Insecurities… We all have them, its natural, I would even argue healthy. I try and forget about them sometimes but they always tend to come back and slap me in the face twice as hard. There’s definitely different ways to deal with them and I guess that would be where they can become unhealthy like some insecurities you could simply let go of and accept, some you could fix or if you want you could let some bring you down until the very day you cark it all depending on your current vibration and attitude. I’m always in confliction about the way I act, even with this blog, even having only started blogging a few weeks ago I get worried about peoples thoughts on what I might say. At the same time I want people to disagree with me and that’s the reason I like to pick a side and run with it. I want people to be able to convince me otherwise on my views (if they can lel). I want to open a discussion in which I can learn from and there’s definitely even a part of me who is keen as fuck for the possibility of copping a few hateful outbursts because they simply sound like a whole bunch of fun. I have constructed this idea of being this really big personality with a fiery attitude but then simultaneously I’m all like “ooh I don’t want to annoy anyone” I guess it’s a side effect of my childish need for attention so in that respect it’s not if even what I say sometimes but that I’m saying it at all. Sometimes I don’t think anyone wants to hear a 19 year old’s perspective on half the shit I talk about. My excuse would be that I gotta talk about something and at the moment I’m struggling to think of alternative topics but I also think that there has to be room for my perspectives out there even just for the purpose of existing as a comparison to the perspectives of other demographics. This is why I love the psychological idea (from the great C.G. Jung) of integrating your polarizing aspects. The metaphor being rocking up to your first day at a new job and being excited and nervous at the same time. Some of us may identify more so with the nervousness and ignore the excitement we feel or vice versa but in reality we feel both. So we’re constantly jumping towards opposing thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I want to not give a fuck what I say or how I look and sometimes I can’t help but give one. I think sometimes it’s good for me to just not care about shit and act and look simply however I am at the time but acknowledging what other people think can definitely have the potential to help us grow and better ourselves. I like to think of other people like mirrors so criticism from them is just like criticism from myself in another body and this helps me choose whether or not to identify with it without being ridiculously ignorant. I think If we were able to see the conflicting aspects in ourselves and everything in between and beyond them then that would be where the real objective truths lie. I guess that’s the great thing about humans. A character in a T.V show needs to fit to one stereotype. We can be all these different things at once which is both beautiful and terrifying and however we decide to see ourselves or however other people decide to see us we will always be much more than that no matter how oblivious we are to it.